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10.14.03
Update from the AAP -Associated ArnoCorps Press
compiled by M. Calahan
ARNOCORPS RESPONDS TO RECALL RESULTS
On October 7, many California voters, turning out for the recall election, asked the question, "Where is ArnoCorps on the ballot?"
Two weeks before the election to replace Gray Davis for governor of the state, all six members of ArnoCorps, running separately, but on the same platform, made the decision to quietly withdraw their names from the ballot. This move left many wondering what went wrong. Vocalist Holzfeuer explained: "Only in America can Austrian immigrants run for the governor office. It's fantastic! When we throwed our hats into the race, we were ready to make some changes, to bring the action-adventure lifestyle back to the peoples of California. Just as we had beginning to hold rallies in support of ourselves, this other candidate, this other Austrian candidate, jumped into our bandwagon and began confusing people. He began passing himself off as one of us. We have proof that he pretended to rock in front of the Californias. This man knows nothing of the true action-adventure lifestyle, he knows nothing about the ancient power of Arno. His accent had almost disappeared before we came into the race, now he puts it on like a facepaint to trick the voters. Its not even very good.
"Back home, we call a someone like that a Dieb, someone who steals. In Graz, his marshmallow ass would be slapped with sticks, until it is red like fire. So many of the Californias comes up to me and told me I did good on the television debating, but I wasn't in it! This low forehead, taking advantage his first name being similar to our band name, steered the peoples into believing he was me, Holzfeuer."
When asked if he was angry about not getting the chance to hold office, Holzfeuer replied emphatically, "Hell, no! We realized that we were not rocking the way we used to. All we care about is bringing the action-adventure lifestyle to the people. Playing action-adventure hardcore rock and roll is the most best way to do that. Let the baby have his bottle, we want to rock! Now more ever than now, as more heroes becomes flabby and soft, the people need action-adventure in their lives. ArnoCorps gives the people a chance to watch real heroes rock!"
Each member of ArnoCorps was given the opportunity respond about the end of their campaigns.
Halstucha (guitar): "It sucks, but I'm not gonna dwell. The day I withdrew my name, I just lit up a stogie and beat the hell out of my television set when that Snuggles commercial came on. I swear that damn puppet was mocking me. You're dead, Snuggles! You hear me?!"
Gellend Adler (drums): "I pushed the wheel of pain for most of my life, I know what sorrow is. You push and push the wheel, you grind the wheat into flour, but..." --wiping a tear from his eye, "you never get to eat the bread. You can smell it, you can see it come out of the ovens, but you never get to bite. I really like the bread with raisins in it. That is a treat. I get it from the bäckerei near our headquarters. Sometimes I get a cookie."
Vielmehr Klampfe (guitar): "I knew I wouldn't win. I know what the future holds, I know the fate of the world, I know the blood stained path mankind is heading down, but no one listened. So be it! If I can change the fate of the world by rocking the power of Arno, then by Crom that's what I'll do. Besides, I can get free drinks by rocking. Political people have to buy theirs. I ask you, who is the real sucker, then, yeah?"
Schlabolzen (guitar): "I just found out my name was not on the balloting paper. What the hölle? I paided my $35.00 to be putting my name on there. Why did nobody told me? This is more embarrassing than the time I was mistaking a zahnschmerzen for a gehirnerschütterung, you know what I am meaning?"
Toten Adler (bass): "Sure I groped a few women and felt their breasts as they passed by. They were ugly chicks, I was making them feel sexy. I help wherever I can. If there's a chick at a show who's not that cute, I'll slap her on the ass. If her ass is soft, then I slap it after the show to see if it got pumped from the music. I'm always looking out for soft asses. Its something I'm very passionate about."
Holzfeuer: "I just want to say, what I said about Hitler was taken out of the context. The news peoples quoted me that, '...Hitler ruled a country.....you have to admire that'. What I really said was, 'I can't believe this Hitler ruled a country with a girly moustache and wearing a bra under his uniform. When they found him dead, he was wearing garter belts and a 36B bra on his head. You have to admire that.' So get off my back! Stop whining!"
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